Gone but Not Forgotten
by StarlightKat
Summary: Ichimatsu's cat dies and he can't handle it.


Ichimatsu stood outside in the backyard, feeling empty and exhausted. The clouds covered the sun and the chilly wind bit through his skin but he didn't move. His brothers and parents were around him but Ichimatsu never paid any attention to them. In front of him two feet away was a small rectangular gravestone on the grass. Engraved was the name of 'ESP Kitty' and under it had the date of when he passed away and right under that was a message saying 'Gone but not forgotten'.

Ichimatsu had the sudden urge to pick up the stone and throw it away as far as he could. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see something that reminded him that his cat was _dead_. His throat felt raw and his eyes stung but he refused to cry. Only Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu were openly crying and the rest had grim faces as they all stared at the stone and said their prayers in their heads. Ichimatsu's face remained stoic and devoid of any emotion. What was the point of showing any if that someone was dead?

In the corner on his left, he noticed Osomatsu giving him side glances every few moments. Ichimatsu didn't pay him any mind.

* * *

It had been almost a week since his cat's death and Ichimatsu never left the house once. For the most part he mainly curled up in the corner of the bedroom staring at the wall in front of him. If he wasn't doing that he was either eating, using the bathroom, or sleeping. He never talked to anyone unless they came up to him and tried to start a conversation but Ichimatsu either ignored them or spoke one or two words.

Choromatsu once confronted him about his aloof behavior, saying that it was bad for his health and that he should come spend time with his family for a change. Ichimatsu didn't acknowledge him nor his words and when Choromatsu continued, saying just to get his mind off his cat, Ichimatsu got up and walked out, leaving his brother staring after him as he left.

Choromatsu never chased after him and Ichimatsu was glad for that. Who cared if he was shutting everyone out? They were just wasting their time worrying about him. He walked around the house to find another area secluded. He didn't care about anything.

Life just wasn't the same anymore.

* * *

One day Todomatsu barged into the bedroom and glared at Ichimatsu, sitting curled up against his corner as usual. He walked up to him until he was standing a foot away and huffed, hands on his hips in annoyance.

"It's been roughly two weeks and you haven't done anything besides sitting there and doing _nothing,"_ Todomatsu said, voice cracking a bit, "You're just staring at the wall!"

Ichimatsu looked in his direction before returning his gaze in front of him. It had been three days since he last looked at someone directly.

Nothing happened for the next few seconds until the younger one relaxed and sighed. It slightly pissed Ichimatsu off when he heard it. "Look," Todomatsu started and gestured with his hands, "I- We all understand how you feel."

 _No you don't,_ Ichimatsu thought bitterly, hands clenching unconsciously.

Todomatsu's face had a solemn look of sympathy. To Ichimatsu, it was like taking a knife to the gut and twisting it. He _loathed_ that kind of look towards him. If his younger brother noticed the way his brow twitched, he didn't mention it

"Ichimatsu… death is something that happens to everyone at one point. It hurts when it happens to someone we love but we all have to move on. It worries everyone seeing you like this." Todomatsu pursed his lips and paused, debating if he should say this or not, before saying, "You look like you're dead."

"…If it means that I get to meet him, then I'd rather be dead," Ichimatsu muttered, it sounded raspy in his ears from the lack of use the past few days. His throat felt itchy and he wanted to claw at it.

Gasping, Todomatus's eyes widened. "You- Why would you say that?"

Ichimatsu didn't respond but suddenly he felt hands grabbing his arms. Todomatsu tried pulling him up to get him to do _something_ and it was enough to make Ichimatsu snap.

Standing up, he forced Todomatsu's hands away and growled in front of his face. The younger stared in horror and before he could say anything or back away he was suddenly on the floor with a loud thud. Ichimatsu glared down at him, his right fist stinging and his body shaking with adrenaline as he watched Todomatsu lift a hand to his nose.

"What would you know?" Ichimatsu seethed, breathing heavily. "You don't know a damn thing about me or how I feel." He was practically screaming at this point but he didn't give a damn. He was so sick and tired of everyone- of _everything._

He finally realized what he did when Todomatsu's hand came away and saw blood on it and his nose, but before he could apologize he heard footsteps racing up the stairs and the door slid open to reveal Osomatsu and Karamatsu.

"T-Todomatsu?" Karamatsu said. He rushed to his younger brother and kneeled down beside him, helping him up and heading towards the bathroom while reassuring him as he wiped his tears and blood away.

Watching them leave the room, Ichimatsu felt a hand fall on his shoulder and Osomatsu appeared next to him. His eyes screamed of disappointment and Ichimatsu clenched his teeth to prevent himself from lashing out again.

"You need to calm down," Osomatsu finally spoke.

Ichimatsu turned and slapped his hand away as a response before stalking out the room. There were only seven other people in the house but it felt like a thousand to him and he had to get out and calm his breathing and anger. Reaching the door, he slid it open and stepped out onto the grass in the backyard.

Dragging his feet, Ichimatsu stopped right in front of the stone and sat down, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. His eyes lingered on the stone as he blinked slowly, hoping that when he opened his eyes the stone wasn't there and that all of this had been some kind of dream. He hoped that his cat would come out from hiding and come up to him purring.

Hugging his legs tighter, Ichimatsu bit his lip. Even though his cat was always on his mind, that didn't stop his chest from aching. He read the gravestone again with hazy eyes, before whispering.

"Why does life have to be so cruel."

* * *

A few days later Ichimatsu sat curled up in the corner of the bedroom again in the middle of the afternoon. Ever since the incident with Todomatsu everyone seemed to get the message that he just wanted to be left alone for good, but the concerned looks glancing his way never stopped. The guilty feeling for punching Todomatsu was now gone and replaced with hollowness once again.

Ichimatsu tilted his head to let it rest against the wall and sighed. In his hand was an old mouse toy his cat loved playing with. Fiddling the toy in his hand, he pictured his cat racing towards him and attempting to snatch it. The corner of his lips turned upwards but then quickly disappeared.

Every time he pictured ESP kitty he always felt sick. From chest pains and knots in his stomach to his throat clenching and eyes burning. Though in the end, he never shed a single tear.

The bedroom door slid open and Ichimatsu didn't have to look up to know who it was. It was Karamatsu. Everyone else had gone out to do something leaving only him and his older brother. There always had to be at least one other person in the house. It was just in case if Ichimatsu tried doing anything harmful to himself.

He heard Karamatsu walk inside until he was standing right next to him. He could feel his eyes burning into the top of his skull and Ichimatsu had to control himself to keep from reacting violently.

"Are you alright?" Karamatsu asked for like the millionth time since the death of his cat. Out of all the people who tried talking to him, Karamatsu was the one who did it the most. Even after everyone else had given up and left him alone, every few hours Karamatsu would always visit him and ask if he was okay.

And Ichimatsu's response was always the same. Silence.

Karamatsu never said anything more and usually after a minute of nothing he would look crestfallen and leave him alone and wait another few hours.

Except this time.

Karamatsu didn't move an inch. He just stood there and Ichimatsu sneaked a side glance at his feet. Instead of leaving, Karamatsu did the exact opposite. He sat down next to him.

Facing the same direction, Karamatsu stared at the wall Ichimatsu bore through hours a day. Their shoulders weren't brushing for the sake of personal space, but that didn't make Ichimatsu any less uncomfortable.

They sat there in silence for what felt like hours when it had only been a few minutes. Karamatsu never said anything but his presence just got on Ichimatsu's nerves. He was about to tell him off, maybe just straight up leave or even push him away, until Karamatsu broke the silence and said the words that he never wanted to hear.

"He's never coming back."

Surprised and _enraged_ , Ichimatsu whipped in his direction and tackled him. Karamatsu fell on the ground as Ichimatsu sat on his stomach, trembling fists clutching Karamatu's sweater.

"You think I don't know that?!" he yelled. When Karamatsu kept a neutral face Ichimatsu did what he did to Todomatsu and punched him hard in the face. Raising his fist, he punched his brother again and then stopped.

His body felt weak all of a sudden, all the energy drained out of him. His grip on the sweater loosened and his shoulders slumped. Ichimatsu avoided looking at Karamatsu's face and settled on his chest. Karamatsu took that moment to slowly raise himself up into a sitting position and Ichimatsu now sat on his legs.

"I know he's never coming back," Ichimatsu whispered, "He's gone forever." At that point he couldn't tell if he said it to Karamatsu or more to himself.

The feeling of tears formed around his eyes _again_ and Ichimatsu choked. He tried concealing it but it was much more difficult this time. Shutting his eyes, he suppressed it as hard as he could.

Hands pressed against his back but before he could react he was suddenly pressed against Karamatsu's chest. Eyes widening, he realized Karamatsu that was _hugging_ him. Ichimatsu meekly tried to pull away but the arms around him wouldn't budge. "Oi," he said, "What are you-"

"Let it out."

Ichimatsu went stiff, face full of shock as his brother's words echoed in his mind. He didn't want to. He couldn't. But the more he thought about it the harder it was to control himself.

"I-I," he stuttered, finding it increasingly difficult to speak when his throat had a giant lump in it. He thought about the day when the vet told them that the condition his cat had would lead to death soon and that the best solution was to put him down. He remembered Osomatsu holding him back from attacking the vet as he injected the cat and watched as his cat took his last breath and stilled. He remembered watching Jyushimatsu digging a hole and Choromatsu placing his cat and covering it. He remembered his mother coming home with the custom gravestone and placing it on top the grass.

He remembered everything that happened that day. But the one thing he remembered the most was that his cat was _never_ coming back.

 _Let it out._

Ichimatsu's hands slowly rose up and he found himself hugging Karamatsu back, digging his face into his chest as he sobbed. "I want him back," he finally admitted, "I miss him _so_ much."

He cried his heart out, letting his sobs fill the silence of the room, taking the comfort of hands rubbing his back and the chin on his head.

* * *

The next morning, Ichimatsu found himself in the backyard in front the gravestone. He bent down and reached out to brush his fingers against the carved words.

He still had a massive headache from yesterday crying for hours and Karamatsu never left his side even after he had calmed down. When the others came home, they all understood and left Karamatsu with him, staying by his side and letting Ichimatsu hide his face in his chest to cry at random times during the night.

Now it was the next day and Ichimatsu felt like he couldn't produce anymore tears. His eyes and nose stayed red and he felt raw.

Ichimatsu craned his neck and looked up at the sky. It was just like what Todomatsu said, everyone died at one point. It hurt when someone you loved died, it _really_ hurt, but that's how life worked. There's nothing he could do about it besides accept it.

His eyes squinted when a cloud uncovered the sun. He was just glad that his cat had a peaceful death. He hoped that wherever he was, he was having a good time with plenty of toys and other cays to play with.

Maybe after this he could wonder around the city to find stay cats and give them food. He hadn't done that in weeks and he felt guilty about it. His cat would've wanted the same.

Hearing footsteps coming up from behind, Ichimatsu didn't move. He didn't need too. When Karamatsu squatted beside him he looked at the gravestone lovingly. He was sporting a black eye and it took a bit of effort for Ichimatsu to apologize to him but he did.

"He was such an amazing cat," Karamatsu said.

Ichimatsu went through a series of memories of his cat, and the more he thought about it the wider his smile grew.

 _Gone but not forgotten._

Just like the message on the stone he would never forget his cat, but at least he could finally move on and live his life. There would always be a special place in his heart for his cat. Forever and always.

"Yeah, he was," he grinned, genuine and bright. "He was the best cat I've ever had."

* * *

 _Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it please leave a review! It really means a lot. :)_


End file.
